.apocalikz.

Murphy's Law

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 15:36:34 GMT

As it currently stands, I am in the longest strand of bad luck in my life. Details don't seem necessary because I would really rather not dwell int his any longer than I need to. Since that's the case, I am trying as hard as I possibly can to concentrate on the positive aspects.

I am still meeting new people and putting more effort towards the friendships I think matter. Dana is the closest thing to a good friend that I have going for me right now. Due to recent complications Bicycle Steve can no longer be described as such. As for meeting new people, I just went over to a kid in my web design class and made conversation. Apparently, he just looks like a kid because he is actually 11 years older than me. His name is Steve and is very friendly. I also recently made friends with Jason through Cairee. He's an oddball but that's very refreshing to me right now.

I am in Ohio and yesterday was the Autumnal Equinox. There's no better place to be for allergy sufferers! This is the happiest anyone will see me throughout the year.

I had to decline on a proposition to move to Alaska this past week, but maybe next winter after I'm done with school.

I figured out what I wanted but I can't neccessarily say it's one of the positive aspects I'm trying to concentrate on.

There's just a lot of strange things happening in this place...

I'm coming up only to hold you under.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:35:29 GMT

Most amazing night last night.
Bicycle Steve and I went to Roll after he told me Kelsey had broke my bike and I was going to try and get financed to buy a new one.However, that didn't work out as I would have liked, so we tried the local thrift stores. Still, to no avail.

Stopped at Petland and played with bunnies and rats to cheer me up. I almost bought the small albino bunny, but stopped myself because I don't want my apartment smelling. Headed back to his house to see what we could do with my bike.

Ben Lee came over and helped fix the chain and derailieur. I had also noticed that Steve switched out Devin's seat with mine. My seat being a piece of plastic with fabric over it that bruises my tail bone every time I ride. Devin's is a nice slender but cushioned seat. He owed me. I gave him $140 to keep him out of jail.

So we took off. We got to downtown and I still felt good so we kept going. We got to West Carrolton and I still felt good so we kept going. We decided to set the goal for Franklin and reassess how we felt. Two or three miles shy of our goal, the following happened.

And this.

In which case, we stopped and talked to some nice fisherman for about two hours while one of them cleaned him up and we called everyone in our phonebooks to come get us. While the incident happened at exactly 10:30pm, we didn't get picked up til midnight. We chained our bikes to the fence, got dropped off in Northridge. Cleaned up a bit more. Drove back to Miamisburg, picked up our bikes, and he drove me home.

End of night, end of story.

Ctrl+Z

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 02:14:13 GMT

I cut my hair.

Before.

&

After...

I know you can't really tell...but I wanted to chop off the back of my hair.

Can I Get An Opinion?

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 21:14:48 GMT

Seeing as how I'm going to a professional interview soon, I was hoping someone could tell me which choice of eye make up to wear.
Provided, the pictures don't show exactly what it looks like.
Buttttt...I hope it illustrates the desired point.

Without glasses...

Without glasses...

[1] No eye makeup
[2] Mascara
[3] Mascara and little eyeliner
[4] Mascara and full eyeliner

If you can tell.

Samba.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 01:08:22 GMT

It's just like...I don't know where I'm at in life.
Always just wanting to skip forward and not be here now.
But, I don't want to be like my mom and come back to here later in life.

At work, I'm working 30+ hours a week.
I'm there all the time.
I like it but I get bored.
I wish the espresso machine would stop breaking.
It would make my life a lot easier.
I love my boss.
I like most of the teachers and guys that work at Dayton Band.
Mostly, Greg, Rick, and Brian.
Brian gave me a turkey.
My boss has entrusted me with a lot more faster than Marianne ever did.

At school, I have a 3.9 GPA.
I was one of three in my class to get chosen for the NCR internship interview.
Wish me luck.
Three spots, eleven kids interviewing.
My lab is pretty boring anymore.
Often I dream of dropping out.
As it stands, I will still not be graduating on time.
Thank you, Mr. Crazy Legs Lintz.
Oh, I also lost my scholarship because of that.
That being me lacking less than a tenth of a gym credit.
/anger
I am enjoying spending almost half my day with Allysa.

In life, I am contradictory.
I thought Autumn was my favorite season.
That I am happiest in Autumn and around Halloween.
Guess not.
I think I've been more depressed these past few months than the rest of the year.
Might just be anxiety.
I have loads of it.
I feel like I'm missing something or missing out.
Not sure which.
I felt good when Monica was in town.
Maybe I just miss the concept of friends.
Lucas is my only friend, really.
Allysa is always too busy and Monica is too busy when she's in town.
And I can't make girl friends.
And if I make guy friends, there's a chance they just want to bang me...I guess?

I'm removing (fading) my tattoos with Doc Wilson's Wrecking Balm.
Pretty happy about that.
I just don't understand after waiting so long...
Somehow I'm still not eighteen yet.

I have a horrible ear infection that's been building for about three weeks.
It's spreading into my sinuses and what feel like my entire head.
No insurance, no money, no antibiotics.
I hope I don't go deaf or something.

$450 left to pay on my car before the end of the year.
Suck.

I want to hibernate.

Oh, It's Some Kind of Natural Feeling.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 02:12:44 GMT

I really hate being depressed. Not even a full blown depressed, just the mediocre feeling of discontent.
I can't stop thinking how badly I want out of this place.
Ohio.
I am constantly going so far ahead and so far back in my head. In the future, everything will be awesome. In the past, everything was so awesome because I was too little to know better.
I think I'd be a lot happier now if it wasn't 90 degrees in October.
Have I told you?
Autumn is my happiest time of year.
So I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Tomorrow is my last day at the bookstore.
And I really enjoy the coffee house.
Even though most of the stuff I do there is just cleaning to kill time.
New car.
Still have to pay 1200 on it =/
Smashing Pumpkins concert Thursday.
I really want to go back to Ren Fest.
I haven't had enough time to enjoy my costume.
I'll cheer back up when Lucas gets home<3

No.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:27:36 GMT

To only one person who reads this.

Steve, I never want to talk to you again. Talking and seeing you has never taken me in a positive direction. I don't need what you would like to call help. There's actually very few things I can tolerate about you. Your not a friend of mine.

To people who don't read this.
I'm not talking to you either.
Bob, Brett, Allysa, anyone that I don't have anything but true friendship with, fuck off.

This.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 23:17:59 GMT

So, here’s the story because it needs to be said without me omitting and lying. I’m tired of lying; it’s just too much for me anymore. This is over the period of month, so here it goes.

Lucas and I have been dating/engaged/living together since February 2006. No matter what, this is the man I will love above all things for my entire life. However, from time to time I screw up and forget just how good he is to me and how much I do love him. At age 17, I felt like a tired housewife (not his fault—none of this is his fault). With school being out and trying to save money for Lollapalooza, there was too much time and not enough to do. When I went to Maine, I talked online to Steven and Bobby. Steven being my ex I was never supposed to talk to even though I do not have any feelings for him, but could almost go so far to call a friend. Bobby was the guy I liked before Lucas and I finally got together. Bobby and my conversation led to feelings of long ago, and I didn’t stop to tell him about Lucas and me until the end. Since life had become kind of still at the homestead, the thought of Bobby was entertaining. I began talking to him on the phone and we would leave each other voicemails. Lucas started listening to my voicemails, and no surprise, he didn’t like them. I assured him I didn’t like Bobby like that, explaining our former situation and told him I wouldn’t talk to him anymore (lies). I wasn’t sure how I felt about Bobby and didn’t stop calling him. For the most part, I just talked to him online…on Lucas’s computer. I also made the fatal error of telling Bobby I love him, which I do not. Actually, closer to the past week I had almost fully come to my senses about him. A couple nights ago when Lucas was at work, I was in the area and stupidly decided to stop by Steve’s. Again, I do not have any feelings for him. I watched a part of Thank You for Smoking and then Lucas called. I kind of freaked out and started feeling horribly guilty. I drove to the Subhouse, parked, and then answered the call. I told him I just got home from work where I had been before Steve’s. Lucas had just stopped at home in between jobs to grab some food. After I got off the phone, I rushed home because I felt so bad. On my way home he called again just to say he loved me before clocking on and I told him I was running up to the gas station. I was afraid he could hear my car (still on my way home) and know everything immediately. I was freaking out about that and the next night I was online talking to people (Tyler, Steve, Allysa, Travis, Brett) and looking for how I wanted my hair cut. I was talking to Brett and he started a Direct Connection. This is how our conversations always went: direct connection, we’d send each other pictures of faces with expressions. And that’s how it went, he sent pictures of himself, I sent pictures of myself. I complimented his and he started getting flirty. I am a chump because I flirted back. I’ve never really had that much of a crush on Brett, never thought we’d date or whatever. I couldn’t even really call him a friend because I thought he didn’t like to me and I haven’t seen him in person for 3 years and have never spoken to him over the phone. But just goes to show if you talk them the right way you can get them to send you a picture of their boobs. If you didn’t catch that, that was I sent him a picture of my bare breasts. I had not realized that Lucas installed one of those things that records everything you type. So…all of this he already knows. This is why I’m a cheater. This is why I lost the sweetest man I ever met. The curly haired Adonis who smiled like a wolf and had me scratch instead of him just because it felt better. The only man I could ever see me spending the rest of my life with.

So, I hope maybe one day when I can be more than a sack of shit he will forgive me and want me as his wife.

In the mean time, I’m looking for friends. Just friends. No guys who think they can jump in bed with me no that I’m lonesome. But why would any guy want me knowing that I’m a cheat, a slut, a whore. I will never love them. I will only lead them down the same road. So stay away and don’t make things harder.

If you want to add or edit—feel free.

Intergalactic.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 00:08:01 GMT

Smashing Pumpkins concert in Columbus in October.
Tickets go on sale tomorrow.
I should have mine at 12:01 :D

Pencil Rubber Eraser.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 22:21:27 GMT

Is it bad it's pissing me off that the movie No Reservations is just a complete rip-off of a German movie I saw two years ago?
I wish I remembered the name of it.

The Velvet Is Only There So To Limit Your Artistic Spirit.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 21:45:24 GMT

I have to do a book club tonight that no one will show up for.
But atleast I get coffee...and maybe a couple bucks.

And I need to clean and get groceries...but keep putting them off as much as I can.

Hustle.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 20:47:08 GMT

I was watching Kung Fu movies on SPike until the satellite signal went out.
Now I have nothing to occupy my boredom.
Someone go get coffee with me, please?
I need friends.

Ima Creep. Ima Weirdo.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 13:59:27 GMT

So...
Transformers was amazing.
Or atleast enjoyable and not horribly disappointing.

Dropped my summer course.
We'll see if I can graduate on time.

Still have a 140 and 70 shot roman candle.

Work at 2.
No kaffee haus tonight.

Jim's Donuts, coffee, and crossword.
One helluva Friday night.

Fuck.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 10:43:38 GMT

Fuck.
I'm up this early only because I have to drive twenty minutes to spend four hours in a gym class.
Drive twenty minutes back.
Get showered and dressed.
Drive ten minutes to the bookstore to work.
Fuck.
I have to take this class from today until the 20th.
Because I failed Track & Field at Northmont.
Because Lintz is a pedophile phag douchebag.
Guess how much of a credit hour it is?
.067
Less than one-tenth.
Fuck.

On a good note, bought fireworks. :D
And so what if I spent $10 on 2500 duds.
I wanted to throw snaps at my dog.

This Is Where I Want To Be.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:33:35 GMT

I want these.

This is my lieblingshirt&hearts;

I wish this one hadn't sold out. I was really going to buy it. :[

Ima Lame-ophagface.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:00:43 GMT

I wanted to do one-athese.

T E N F A V O R I T E S
01. TV: [adult swim]
02. drink: Water
03. color: Green
04. sport: Tennis?
05. mall: of America. (Legos are the shit)
06. music: Alternative
07. food: Chinese
08. season: Autumn
09. animals: Patches the Facist Iguana or Frankestein my dog.
10. country: Mother Russia

T E N FA C T S
01. hometown: Englewood
02. hair color: Brown
03. hair length: As short as I can get it without looking like a boy.
04. hair style: Straight and bobby-pinned outa my face.
05. eye color: Blue
06. shoe size: 8
07. mood: Lethargic
08. orientation: ... :]
09. available?: No
10. lefty/righty: Righty

T E N T H I N G S : T H I S O R T H A T
01. love or money: Love
02. hard liquor or beer: I don't drink...
04. one night stands or relationships: Relationships
05. television or internet: [as] and internet
06. pepsi or coke: Coke
07. wild night out or romantic night in: Romance&hearts;
08. colored or black and white pictures: But b&w are so artsy... /lame
09. phone or in person: People
10. aim or myspace: Aim

T E N H A V E Y O U E V E R S
01. have you ever been caught sneaking out: Never punished, though
02. have you ever skinny dipped: It's been a long time
03. have you ever done something you regret: I try not to...
04. have you ever bungee jumped: I have a fear of falling
05. have you ever been on a house boat: Yes
06. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: I always bit mine
07. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt: Yep
10. have you ever been caught by anyone doing it?: The cops

R A N D O M T H I N G S
01. are you missing someone right now: Mhmm
02. are you happy: I've been a little off lately, but yes.
03. are you talking to anyone right now: I wish
04. are you bored: Mhmm
05. are you german: Ja, ich eine kleine Deutsches.
06. are you irish: More than German
07. are you french: Don't think so
08. are you Mexican: No...
09. are you Asian: I have only wished every day since I saw one&hearts;
10. do you like someone right now: But of course

AND MORE:
________________________________________

1. Where is your brother right now?
I guess he started his own business...so maybe working.

2. Last time you went swimming?
Last year. This upcoming Sunday and Tuesday, though. :]

3. Name five things you did yesterday?
Shaved my legs, worked at bookstore, stepped in a puddle, took a ten minute nap, worked at coffee house.

4. Last person you text messaged?
No text messaging anymore, but my money would be on Travis.

5. What kind of phone do you have?
Cingular phone free with plan...because I threw the razor my dad gave me at asphalt.

8. What are you listening to?
Cartoon Network still left on from [adult swim]

9. What do you smell like?
Sleep...I'm taking a shower after this.

10. What color are your eyes?
Already asked...they look gray most of the time.

11. Have you ever done a chinese fire drill?
My sister used to do it all the time.

12. What color is your bedroom floor?
Wood... ;[

13. Do you have a chair in your room?
I'm sitting in it! :]

14. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working bookstore [2-7] and coffee house [7-10ish].

15. Do you have a boyfriend?
Mhmm

16. Does your boyfriend/girlfriends parents like you?
I always wonder...

17. Do you know someone named Betsy?
Amy's buggalo is named Betsy.

18. What color is your mom's hair?
Fried from bleaching it for so many years.

19. Do you have a dog? Breed? Name?
Yus. Mutt. Frankenstein Zula Sinatra

20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
Eurythmics: Sweet Dreams, and a lot of Nirvana

21. Are you married?
I wish

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
I got my sister's voicemail last night, and last week was the first time I talked to my brother since Christmas

24. Do you play an instrument?
I wanna play the tambourine.

25. Do you like fire?
Mmmmmm...

26. Are you allergic to anything?
Cats, nature :P

27. Do you have a crush on anyone?
This seems like a dumb question all considering.

28. Best friend?
Other than Lucas? Travis, even though I claim Allysa as such.

29. Have you ever been to a spa?
I wish.

32. Do you miss someone?
I miss a lot of people a lot of the time.

33. Do you think they miss you too?
I don't think they remember me and that makes me more sad.

34. Have you ever seen your school counselor?
Uhm, at Northmont and CTC but not at Vandalia.

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
The deciding point was when I was little, I didn't want kids calling me Ms. Wilson.

37. What's your favorite color?
Redundant....

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
I can only hope. ;]

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
I like elevators!

40. What does your mom call you?
Alex.

42. What does your hair look like right now?
Sex. I just woke up. ;-;

43. Has a friend ever used you?
I used to get that "Do this or I won't be your friend" a lot in grade school.

44. Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
Not phrased like that.

45. What have you eaten today?
Toasted Almond coffee left over from the coffee house. I have a whole pot. :]

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Straight...but the perm in fifth grade screwed that up.

48. Who was the last person you drove with?
The coffee pot&hearts;

49. What are you looking forward to?
Sunday. Lollpalooza. Turning eighteen.

50. How are you today?
Tired, lonesome, hungry.

We Don't Care About The Young Folks Talkin' About The Old Style.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 05:43:00 GMT

Jeeeez.
Have not been on here in awhile.
I feel like I need it, though.

Totally psyched about Transformers movie.
Totally bummed that I can't even make friends of my own gender.
Totally have the most fun at night.

Enjoying my new job.
Enjoying the fact I got a $.30 raise at my other job.

Missing school.
Missing friends.
Missing family (as weird as it sounds to me).

Hating my free time.
Hating the heat.
Hating boredom....

Been feeling sick.
Been feeling bummed.
Been feeling stranded.

I....

....don't know what to say.

Cyan-Eyed.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 03:39:31 GMT

Happy happy happy girl.

Loves her happy happy happy boy.

Mhmm.

Panic In America.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 16:15:49 GMT

Lucas and I saw the Number 23 last night.
I must say, it was a lot better than I was expecting.
I would recommend it.

Cici's Pizza on Friday night was our own personal hell, in his words.
Fat people, little kids, and scene fucks.
o_O
Gah!

Year of the Pig.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 16:22:10 GMT

So, Lucas and I might (with all hopes) go to Chicago to see Badly Drawn Boy in March.
And if not, we're still counting on our second try for Lollapalooza.
This time reserving a hotel ahead of time...
And, y'know...
Not driving down to Florida and getting into a wreck first.
XDD
I want to take a train.
Not specifically to Chicago.
Just anywhere.
I was on one when I was 6 to go to New York City...
And I loved it.

Does Anyone Know Where I Can Buy A Rock Garden?

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 15:21:44 GMT

I am generally surprised that my cell phone battery has last since Thursday morning without being charged.
And it still has three bars.

I stole vanilla extract from Mc Maken's last night.
I have yet to make snow ice cream this winter.

I tried my first songs on Standard last night.
I didn't fail completely.

I'm just killing time right now.
If you haven't already guessed.

Bonzai!

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 01:40:47 GMT

Have I told everyone how much I am enjoying all this snow?
No?
Oh, well then...
A whole helluva lot.

Slipped on black ice this morning, though...
And ran the side of my car into a snow pile tonight.
Didn't think it was that close when I was making a turn.
Lots. I am enjoying it lots!

Killlllling time.
Like whoa.

Hands Me A Valentine That Is Still Pumping...

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:46:23 GMT

Even though I hate this holiday as much as I do...
I'm still ridiculously happy.
Everything is as wonderful as I could ask for.
I played DDR with Lucas all yesterday.
And as good as that sounds, that wasn't even the best part.
:D

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 04:44:59 GMT

I've lost it.
I've officially fucking lost it.
I've been trying to hold it together and be strong.
But I can't.
I just fucking can't.
I'm moving back in with my mom.
At least it's her obligation as a parent to house me.
I'm trying to keep it together enough so I don't send my car off the highway.
I am in need.

And Someone Will Say What Is Lost Can Never Be Saved.

pornographicpriestess@gmail.com — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 02:50:50 GMT

I was very unsuccessful today.
I didn't accomplish anything.
In school or work.
But I picked up more hours tomorrow.
And I got to see another person get their nipples pierced.
That was a good laugh.
I'm still lonely and depressed, though.